#26. Get obsessed in the final days of the Olympics. The Onion is reporting that that “freaky” fourteen-time gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps has returned home to his tank at Seaworld.

There he has “resumed his normal schedule of performing in six shows a day for marine park crowds every day of the week.”

Calling Phelps, a “6′4″, 200-pound aquatic mammal” the Onion adds that he is “the first ever SeaWorld swimmer to be raised in captivity by foster swimmers (Mark Spitz and Dara Torres)” and was recaptured by his trainer Bob Bowman “in a hoop net baited with an entire Dutch apple pie”.

“Michael seemed really excited to be back,” said Bob Bowman, adding that the male swimmer became playful upon entering his tank, breaching the water and sounding repeatedly. “He just started swimming freestyle and backstroke, and only stopped to slide belly first onto the tank’s platform so he could be fed dozens of fried egg sandwiches.” The photograph that goes with the story is the best part. To see it go The Onion.

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