While few wine lovers would seriously compare SA wine to the best cuvées from France, when it comes to bedroom stats, SA winemakers have little to be ashamed of according to Richard Lynn, emeritus professor of psychology at Ulster University, whose findings confirm previous theories of race differences in penis size. SA winemakers power in at 6 inches erect, substantially ahead of France at 5.3in. Ratings are presumably Platter compliant i.e. made sighted.
SA winemakers are the best endowed in the New World as Australians languish at 5.2in behind New Zealand (5.5in) but a pube ahead of the USA (5.1in). Spain and Germany offer little competition at 5.5 and 5.7in respectively while the only real threat is Italy at 6.2in who would appear to be the biggest dicks in the cellar.
Quite how SA should capitalize on the professor’s findings is perhaps best left to WOSA. After all their latest press release claims SA wine exports are worth R350,4 million or way less than R1 a litre; calls Jamie Goode a Master of Wine and says delegates from all continents attended Cape Wine 2012 although those from Antarctica must have been disappointed by the dearth of ice wine. Below is the WOSA CEO and a friend sharing in the hilarity engendered by her latest press release while butler André lurks in the background.
I haven’t laughed so much in a long time! Thank you Neil!
Inviting you to Mr Chow Comedy Club.
*** juvenile and abusive comment deleted ***
That WOSA press release on Cape Wine 2012 in full:
CAPE WINE’S GREEN-THEMED EXPO, SA INDUSTRY’S “BEST EVER”
The South African wine industry, a major contributor to the country’s agri-exports, has just hosted its “best ever” international trade exhibition, according to the chairman of Wines of South Africa (WOSA), Johann Krige.
WOSA is a not-for-profit organisation mandated by government to promote South African wine exports that last year generated R350,4m in sales. Since 2000, WOSA has been staging a showcase of the country’s wines on home ground for the international wine fraternity every second year, with the exception of 2010, the year of the FIFA World Cup.
Krige was referring to the three-day Cape Wine 2012, held at the Cape Town International Convention Centre from September 25 to 27. Despite the turbulence of global markets, it had attracted a record number of producer exhibitors, he said, up by 15% on the last event in 2008, and also the highest number of delegates. Reaching almost 1 500, they had come from every continent. In addition to strong support from traditional exporting countries in mainland Europe, Scandinavia and Canada, this year had seen the highest turnout in the history of Cape Wine from countries in Asia, Eastern Europe and Africa.
Krige said Cape Wine was now ranked globally as the most successful international wine business show in the Southern Hemisphere.
His view was echoed by the CEO of Amorim Cork, Antonio Amorim, of Portugal, who called this year’s Cape Wine “one of the finest wine industry events in the world.”
Krige added: “Our industry has wowed the international wine community with an exciting and diverse range of quality wines and a fresh and inspiring approach that has demonstrated our world leadership in eco-sustainability and energy-efficiency among wine-producing nations. We showed very effectively that we are making better wines at all price points, and also that we are making wines, better. ”
US delegate, Mike Vesseth, a leading wine economist from Seattle, said Cape Wine had succeeded in encapsulating the rich diversity of the local wine industry. “It’s an exciting introduction to what South Africa has to offer.”
Jamie Goode, a Master of Wine and high-profile wine journalist from the UK, was enthused by what he called the “great energy and positivity” of the event, while Troy Christensen, CEO of global company Accolade Wines, said that with “Africa the next China”, there was much to look forward from the local wine industry in its contribution to the economic growth of the continent.
Krige confirmed that the country’s wine export volumes for the 12 months to August 2012, were 7% up on the year previously.
He said a major highlight of the show had been the support from the major global retailers. “The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO), the world’s largest wine retailer; its Quebec equivalent, the SAQ; and all the state-run monopolies of the Scandinavian bloc were in attendance; along with the UK’s biggest grocers’ chains, including Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Waitrose; the Dutch giant, Albert Heijn; as well as US chain Whole Foods Market.”
Also present were buyers from Florida’s Disney World, leading hotels, restaurant chains and specialty shops, in addition to agents looking for brands to market in their own countries.
He said the 304 producers, displaying their offerings across 6 500 m sq of floor space, had included a broad spectrum of wineries from the major corporate and co-operative producers each with multiple brands on show, to small-scale, independent and boutique producers.
“The range of wineries was an excellent reflection of the industry and accurately represented the extent of what our country is able to produce from hand-crafted, artisanal specialty wines to popularly priced offerings for mainstream markets. We could really show the breadth and depth of our stylistic repertoire and ability to cater to markets across the globe. We also exhibited the first group of wines eligible to carry the Ethical Seal as confirmation of their adoption of fair labour practices.”
The exhibition was also an opportunity for many of the producer exhibitors to line up international representatives to carry their brands.
Krige said this year’s turnout of delegates had included a large contingent of business, drinks, lifestyle and travel journalists and many high-profile bloggers. “We also hosted the biggest number of sommeliers in the history of Cape Wine. As the composers of wine menus for many popular and distinguished restaurants and hotels, they are becoming increasingly influential trendsetters in terms of wines and wine styles, particularly across Europe, North America and, more recently the East.
“We had a high number of wine educators this year. These are also the people who play an important role in advising members of the wine and hospitality, as well as retail trade and influence many of the gate keepers in the world of wine trading.”
As far as is known, Cape Wine 2012 was the first ever green-themed international wine exhibition. Conceived to reinforce the country’s leadership in production integrity from soil to glass, the accent was on reducing, re-using and recycling as many exhibition materials as possible.
Krige explained that Cape Wine had opened with a gala “green tie” event, attended by Premier for the Western Cape, Helen Zille. Delegates had shown their support for the exhibition theme by walking from their hotels to the venue and wearing bow ties made from discarded packaging. They were also given lanyards made from baked papier-mâché beads and bags made from recycled material, giving much-needed employment to poor people.
All the empty wine bottles from the gala dinner and the show itself were being given to a job-creation project to create new artefacts from the recycled glass, said Krige. “Our eco-procurement of goods and services has served to generate work for many marginalised, otherwise unemployed people.”
In keeping with the green theme, most producers had erected stands from recycled materials and had used LED lighting to illuminate their exhibition areas. Meanwhile, spekbome, known for their highly effective absorption of carbon dioxide, provided the green decor for the show.
Wine contributes some R26bn annually to the country’s GDP and employs nearly 276 000 people.
Congrats to Jamie Goode to the MW-title.