The Swartland All Stars rocked the opening night at Food|Wine|Design in Hyde Park this evening. “I’d like a fruity, low alcohol red” said the French model to Anton Espost. “Lady, this is the Swartland” replied Anton, uncorking a bottle of Tres Estrellas. “We don’t do low alcohol.” But compared to the Field of Dreams absinthe from Roger Jorgenson which slips into the subconscious at 72% alcohol, Swartland wines are dead abstemious.

Roger and his Field of Dreams absinthe

Anton edited Swartland Grapeheart 2011 and foolishly included my musings on Lemoenfontein, which I reproduce below for those who missed the FWD gig.

Anton and an interesting book

Luilekker Lemoenfontein

There are many reasons for moving to the Swartland. Falling in love with Eben Sadie is the usual one for wine writers while Mynhardt Joubert and his baked sheep hearts catch more foodies than double-sided Plooysburg flypaper. Riebeek-Kasteel looks like the set of PG du Plessis’ Koöperasie Stories when they were still funny while Barry’s Beef & Barrel (owned by Robert) presents the cast of Finding Nemo on their menus. But pasop for the bad tempered Malmesbury traffic cop with an Oprah afro and an ambush in the one hour parking zone.

You’ve got to love a town where KFC runs out of birds (with more chicken concentration camps than farm dams in the Swartland) yet remains open, selling coleslaw and cream soda. Or the annual Christmas party at the Co-op where farmers bring their own brandy (Coke being complementary).

I started out on the Paardeberg on the wrong (i.e. Paarl) side. Callie Louw was winemaker at Vondeling, a farm owned by a London rally driver with nickname “chocolate finger” who cornered the world cocoa market earlier this year. Callie has since seen the light and moved – via Tulbagh – to Porseleinberg where he “braiis” the meanest leeks this side of Cardiff. I’d spent the morning judging the Absa Top Ten Pinotage Competition in Devon Valley in those happy days before I was Zille’d (fired) for arguing that coffee Pinotage was a valid (and certainly popular) style. Heartily sick of green bananas and nail varnish, Callie introduced me to Willie de Waal who has a more impressive scar than the Red Baron and Jan Eksteen, who wears bigger sunglasses than Elizabeth Taylor.

If this was an article in The World of Fine Wine magazine, this is where I’d launch into boring descriptions of the whiffs of cassia and blasts of capsicum in the wines we tasted that day, but try buying either in Riebeek Wes and you’ll come short. Heck, when Swartland celebrated 350 years of Cape Wine in 2009, the main speaker raised a toast to the man who made it all possible, Jan van Niekerk, and I was the only one who thought it odd.

Price pulled us to the northern end of the Paardeberg, or Partyberg, as Pieter Euvrard calls it. And when I found out that Pieter is related to Esme, of Hospitaaltyd fame on the Springbok Radio of my schooldays in Boksburg, the koël was deur die kerk as the troopies in Katima Mulilo used to say as they listed to Tannie Esme, somewhere on the border.

As Gavin Rajah will confirm, if Franschhoek is the Foschini of SA wine fashion then Stellenbosch is Stuttafords. In fact the Stuttaford family used to own the Helderberg, so there you go. Which makes the Paardeberg, Mr. Price, the discount chain where everyone buys their clothes/grapes, and then lies about it.

We bought Lemoenfontein in the Siebritskloof from Tina and Barry Schreiber in a rainstorm back in 2007 and soon had a bonus of Cornelia and Adi Badenhorst as neighbours when they bought Kalmoesfontein farm from Pierre (no relation to Callie) Louw. Wynkenner Emile Joubert explains the name Siebritskloof dates back to the Anglo-Boer War when some scouts from Boer HQ in Gouda thought they’d seen Tommies on Orangerie and reported they’d “seen Brits.” Emile is a reliable authority, as Joubertskloof is another valley in the mountain.

As I tell my Belgian friends, it can’t be such a bad spot if Stef Bos got married in a clump of trees on Kalmoesfontein, although standards are definitely slipping when one of Adi’s first parties was held to demolish his binnebraai (indoor “braii”). We treasure ours. The bush vines on Lemoenfontein were planted in 1969, the year of Woodstock and six foot by six foot by six foot gentle giant Donovan Rall has made wine every vintage since 2008. He even got five stars in a local wine guide from a blend he made from Barry’s Chenin. Is this terroir or tumescence of those anorak tasters? We’ll never know.

The publisher did phone and ask if we’d submit Lemoenfontein for their assessment, but I explained we made it for friends. We’ve bottled the stuff and it’s sitting in Adi’s all-singing, all-dancing, new winery. Luan did the labels: a whimsical watercolour of a bloupypie, a delicate blue flower that grows above the house and looks like something La Motte might make essential oils from. Now all we have to do is stick the labels on the bottles…

Swartland wine a big hit in Hyde Park

Related posts:

1. Swartland comes to Guimaraes Judging done at the Concours Mondial in Guimaraes, we adjourned...
2. Swartland embraces Africa The design brain behind the Swartland Revolution, Anton Espost, seems...
3. SARS: Steak And Redwine Spectacular If Elgin is elegantly, what is the Simonsberg?; what is...
4. Is Charles Back coming home to the Swartland? An extraordinary information meeting has been scheduled for 3pm on...
5. Swartland shifts its centre of gravity Propaganda is one of the most useful tools of a...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.