“There’s a police roadblock between Riebeek Wes and Riebeek Kasteel” announced il commandante Chris Mullineux to the mob at the Royal Hotel at the start of the Swartland Revolution last night, “so people, take care out there.” Were we on the set of The Wire? But the State was after pissed punters rather than seditious citizens and it was probably nothing a R50 note couldn’t fix.

Revolutionary struggles are rarely so civilized (or so well accessorized) and the little red books of Chairman Mao had been replaced by ersatz Moleskine numbers in which cadres wrote down the perceived wisdom of Stéphane Ogier, a dashing young French firebrand who declared an admiration for Chenin Blanc, an admiration which showed in some whites he presented for tasting, although I would have called the Condrieu Gewürztraminer if we’d been tasting blind.

The Man in Black: Stéphane Ogier

“Tell them about the time you were locked up in the McDonalds in Stellenbosch and had to be released by security guards at 5am” encourage Chris, with war stories from the struggle, manna for these manne. Asked to pose for a photo, Stéphane replied “in the nude?” but alas, even if this was the coldest November night in Swartland history, perky nipples were not on the menu.

Stéphane’s best wine by a country mile was a single vineyard Côte-Rôtie 2007 called Lancement, although €150 a bottle was a sacrifice no wino should be asked to make. The 1999, by way of contrast, needed serious re-education, a counter revolutionary behind a barricade of canned peas, an army of asparagus and more barnyard than the Bastille.

Where was Christian Eedes to shout viva! Brett, viva! and lead the toyi toyi through town. He must be on holiday as he was MIA at Danie de Wet’s Celebration of Chardonnay in pre-revolutionary Robertson yesterday.

Among the white comrades, my favourite was a Rousanne 2005 with rich muesli flavours and oats on the palate while on the nose a whole packet of Wellington dried fruit had turned out. “Great as an aperitif” said Stéphane when quizzed on a food match while Time magazine pin-up boy Callie Louw and I leaned more towards the magret de canard at Kasteelberg Bistro.

Central Committee of the Swartland Revolution

The revolution reconvenes at the civilized hour of 9am this morning in the shape of Babbelas Burgers & Coffee in Short Street before recommencing in earnest at The Eben and Adi Show moderated by the Rosa Luxemburg of rustic reds “Dr.” Tim James.

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