The marketing department at Distell has played a blinder with the OBIKWA Shiraz 2009, a brand I now decode as Old Boozers In Kenilworth Want Affordability after receiving an SMS from Laurence Jones, proprietor (and Dirty Harry after he found a .45 behind the bath) of the Troyeville Hotel, that the 2009 vintage is now out of stock and 2010 is being delivered. Heck, the grapes were still hanging on the vine six months ago! It was a perfect marketing storm for Distell – best value award at the recent Global Trader Shiraz Challenge and then picked up by social networks with blizzards of blogs, tsunamis of tweets and the odd story in the Sunday Times. The cupboard is now bare, the tank is now showing empty.

OBIKWA available at Makro

GT panel chairman Christian Eedes broke ranks to blog OBIKWA volumes at 350 000 cases (a figure ridiculed by Michael Bucholz, the man who made the wine, who says Christian’s quantities and reality “are not on the same page.” Pressed as to whether the truth is more or less, Michael adds to the mystery by insisting “it doesn’t matter”). Full marks to Michael for perpetuating a myth and multiplying column centimeters.

On the subject of Old Boozers in Kenilworth, the much anticipated release of Eben Sadie’s old vines six pack on Monday is a case study in how not to launch a brand. Hacks stayed away in droves from the launch in rainy Riebeek-Kasteel (except for the pips from Grape, who were all in attendance while Christian was not even invited) and who can blame them as Tim James split the beans the previous Friday in a self inflating ego monument in the Mail&Guardian followed up by an imbongi infomercial that was curiously silent on the wines themselves. Being scooped by an insider is not how we play boules in the Swartland.

As one of the half dozen hacks in attendance noted “the farmers had put on their Sunday best, but freeloaders outnumbered the fourth estate by a considerable margin.” Shame, as they still do say in the Swartland.

Nothing upsets hedonism’s hacks more than when one of the cranky crew is vouchsafed a scoop – whether it be luvvies and labels or Christian and cases, but with stock markets tumbling faster than Paardeberg farm prices, Eben will need all of his considerable charisma to sell 5½ bottle packs at ZAR R3504.82 each with no trade discount. Is Eben “worth” 17500% more than OBIKWA? If you have to ask the question, you can’t afford it anyway.

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