This landed on my desk yesterday. It’s a piece – a text installation – by Talya Lubinsky which will be on exhibit at the Stevenson gallery in Cape Town from July 13. It got me thinking about sex. Alain de Botton has written one of the how-to School of Life books, “How to Think More about Sex”. It’s important to have sex, good sex. He says, “Good sex isn’t just fun, it keeps us sane and happy”.
But then he explains here why some of us when bored, will take a nap instead:
To begin with, and most innocently, the lack of sex within established relationships typically has to do with the difficulty of shifting registers between everyday work life and the erotic. The qualities demanded of us when we have sex stand in sharp opposition to those we employ in conducting the majority of our other, daily activities at the office. Relationships tend to involve, if not immediately then within a few years, the running of a household and often the raising of children. These tasks often feel akin to the administration of a small business and draw upon many of the same bureaucratic and procedural skills, including time management, self discipline, exercising authority and imposing an agenda of renunciation upon recalcitrant others.
Sex, with its contrary emphases on imagination expansiveness, playfulness and a loss of control, must by its very nature interrupt this routine of regulation and self-restraint. It threatens to leave us unfit, or at the least disinclined, to resume our administrative duties once our desire has run its course. The worry is that by letting go, we’ll never be able to pull ourselves back together again: we’ll always be somewhat unravelled, vulnerable, dishevelled human beings – and that’s not the way that most of our family and working responsibilities enable us to be. We avoid sex not because it isn’t fun but because its pleasures erode our subsequent capacity to endure the strenuous demands life places on us.
How to Think More about Sex by Alain de Botton is published by MacMillan
I think children are generally the biggest reason why couples tend to prefer sleep… I can’t think of anybody I know that avoids *** because they might not get back into the swing of things in terms of work!
In criminal and mental health law, sanity is a legal term denoting that an individual is of sound mind and therefore can bear legal responsibility for his or her actions. Thanks a lot.