1. Captain America’s superhero outfit was made in China.
2. Captain America no longer aspires to be an investment banker.
3. Captain America can spend up to US $500 bn chasing a bad guy through the desert without catching him.
4. Captain America is always hitting on Batman for a tenner. It’s annoying.
5. Captain America is now the only American who can fly himself into space.
6. Captain America is and always will be white. Even when the president is black.
7. Captain America has quietly moved his support staff offshore for tax reasons.
8. Captain America’s other car is an SUV. But that’s parked because of the gas price.
9. Captain America can never find Captain Africa’s home on a map.
10. Captain America knows how to get you to talk.

I hope Captain America can muster enough irony to chuckle over this. Maybe not.